Who am I to judge....

My bible study/prayer group/family tree....wow. They have come to mean so much to me, I don't know what exactly to call them. 

So. I will just say what they are. The group of people on Facebook that I pray and praise with and for as we study the bible have been studying the book of James. 

God has been dealing with my by revealing to me how this study is for me probably more than anyone else. In an aha moment that left me totally exposed and raw; that has become even more clear to me.

Case in point.....

On April 24 we studied James and this was the Facebook post...

This morning God revealed to me that I have been guilty of doing one of the things that I find totally stomach turning in someone else.

There are two people in particular that I can't seem to love on because I am so busy grudging on. One for doing something to me and one for doing something to someone I care about.

This morning God shined the brightest of His lights so that I could clearly see that what so irked me in them...was what was in me.

Person one. I have been unwillingly to even deal with this person because I felt like she betrayed me in the worse way. She knew all my stuff...she took all my kindness...and used it against me.

I did the same thing. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty sure it could be argued that I started it. And if I am honest, I have to admit and agree that I did.

Person two. My list of offenses against this person are too numerous and mind blowing to even detail. But the twist is that I was..(I am, I have yet to repent)..absolutely outraged that someone could mistreat someone they claim.. (yea, I know that's STILL judgmental of me)..to love.

It makes my blood boil just to think about how this person had no regard for the person I care about. And I begrudgingly pray for this person for totally selfish reasons. Actually, I can't be sure that I'm not praying more against this person...than for. (That is tough to admit. Very tough.)

But here is the kicker. I did the exact same thing. For just as long as they did. In the same way they did. I did to someone else the same thing I judged the person for doing.

I have such a hard time dealing with person one and person two...because I am person one and person two. I was so busy looking at the speck in their eye..I could not see the plank in my own.

I was so busy thinking that my way was right that I did not consider my way was not God's way and was wrong. My way was sinful.

God did not set me free for me to ride around on my high horse. He did not set me free to lean on my own understanding as I feed into the devil's lies about myself and the situation.

I have been self righteous. 

God revealed to me that what I was seeing in these people was the same offense that He saw in me: Self-righteousness.

And He did not reveal my sins to me to condemn me. But to awakening me to that from which He desires to deliver me.

Think about it....remember Job?

His inner circle was convinced that he had to have done something wrong if he lost everything and suffered as badly as he did. They pulled out their bibles and tried to beat him over the head with their knowledge of God’s laws as they understood them. But they were wrong.

And I am just as wrong. Maybe more so because they didn't have a book of Job to study and learn from as I do. 

My struggle with self-righteousness has me on the wrong side of the Proverbs 3:5 “friend.” I've only fueled a raging fire by being so quick to judge. And I'm pretty sure that God won't turn this thing around and doubly bless me like He did Job until I humble myself and pray for these people in earnest and with a right heart.

"Don't grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. For look--the Judge is standing at the door!" -James 5:9 

Self-righteousness is selfish idolatry. I have been unknowingly choosing my perspective over God’s. I have been lying to myself that my standard of right was above God’s standard of righteousness.

I have pretty much been saying that Jesus is right about everything but this. His way is the right way in everything but this. I trust God in everything but this. I can nail it all to the cross with Jesus...but not this.

I have been freely forgiven. And I need to freely forgive. I need to repent of my continued sin...turn completely from it...allow the blood of Jesus to clean my slate...and start being who God called me to be.

Right now. I need to nail this thing to the cross. I need to let go...and let God.

Excuse me. I have some praying to do.