Can You Hear Me Now?

What do you do when the people that you should be able to tell anything to...are the very last people that can hear you? Who do you talk to...where do you turn...when your safe place doesn't really feel safe?

I know that the spiritually correct answer here is without a doubt Jesus. That ends the discussion. And shuts down the blog. But nothing in life is ever that simple or easy. Especially if you are a child.

We parents are so hard to talk to sometimes. We tell our kids that they can come to us and talk to us about anything. But as soon as they do and it isn't something that we want to hear or deal with...we have a cow. We take things. We say hurtful things. We ground them. We may even slap them if what they say is shocking enough. Think about it. If the situation were reversed...would you talk to you? Did you talk to your parents?

There are so many things today that kids face and they need to have some one that they can turn to no matter what. I know we all have our hot button topics. Mine is drugs. Yours may be sex. Or birth control. Or maybe dating. But you have to know that if they can't talk to you...they will talk to someone. And you can't control what just any ole 'someone' says to your child.

And worse than talking to 'someone' is just shutting down and not talking to anyone..just going where ever this society takes them. And I'm sure neither of those are okay with you.

So let's talk about talking. And let's just clear the air right now. Because I know parents. I am a parent. I had parents. We will say that our kids can talk to us about anything. And we will tell this lie with a straight face, an attitude, and a closed mind. We will ask.."What in the world is she talking about. And who does she think she is talking to."

Well. I am talking about a truth we need to face and I am talking to us. This is nothing to get offended by or to be upset about. This is love. This is parenting 101.

Maybe our kids can't talk to us because we never showed them how. Maybe we never sat down with them and engaged them in a conversation. I do not mean a one way dialogue where we talk AT them. I mean a two way communication session where both of you freely express and discuss beliefs and ideals. Maybe they do not effectively communicate with us because we do not effectively communicate with them.

And I do not mean us asking leading questions in front of the firing squad. I do not mean setting them up so that they feel that the only right answer is the one we expect. Even if it has nothing to do with the true answer. I mean having a truly open door policy. One where our kids are free to express themselves without repercussions.

*****Sidebar. I am a Proverbs 13:24 non-sparing rod parent! There is a huge difference between expressions without repercussions and actions without consequences. I believe in using the rod whenever it is necessary. I believe that if kids ask for it...beg for it...buy it...they ought to get exactly what they are asking for. As many times as it takes for them to stop asking. My dad cut my tail. And I can honestly say that though it felt like he was abusing me at the moment (and sometimes looked that way too when he was done)..I never got a beating that I didn't ask for or deserve. And now when he asks me not to beat mine..it is only the grace (and fear) of God that stops me from asking him if he has lost his cotton picking mind.*****

************And yes, beating! I never got spanked. And we only had time outs when he forced me to play softball...in our house...you got a dang beating!*************

Our kids should be able to tell us if they have a problem. If they have been experimenting. If they are thinking about making a life altering decision. Whether it is about drugs. Or premarital sex. Or stealing. Or homosexuality. Or abuse. Anything. Everything. They should be able to tell us. And we should be able to hear it.

Colossians 3:21 (MSG) commands that "parents, don't come down too hard on [our] children or you'll crush their spirits." And Proverbs 22:6 commands that we "teach [our] children right from wrong and when they are grown they will still do right." Deuteronomy 12:25 asks a question that every parent must submit to their own hearts about their children. "Do you want the Lord to make you successful? Do you want your children to be successful even after you are gone? Then do what pleases the Lord and [obey His laws]."

If we have not shared and discussed ideals and beliefs about why things are wrong as opposed to just shoving every offence known to teenagedom down their throats...If we do not walk the talk, practice what we teach and preach...we can not get upset with our children if they come to us and they tell us that they have an issue with popping our prescription pills or are sleeping with a few people in their class or are shoplifting from the local drug store.

Because I said so never worked for us and it won't work for them!

Now. Let me say this. And this is another of those blog points that will probably cost me a few friends..but absolutely no sleep. If you can not...or will not...receive...or apply...the word of God as a parent, then whether or not you know how to effectively communicate with your children are the very least of your problems. Up until the age of accountability..which varies by child..they get a pass because children can not be held responsible for what they do not know and understand. Parents, on the other hand, are on their own. Heaven...or hell...bound as their actions dictates.

Our children are too important. This is too important for us to be in denial about. Take a moment to evaluate your communication skills with your child. I am not trying to put anyone down or to say that anyone is a bad parent or that I am a better parent. I am trying to help us help our children. And possibly help lead a few of our children's parents to salvation in the process!